It was just going to be a painful continuation of the months prior
Of brimming doubt and self pity
Of endless nights and long days
Of dark shadows and nightmares.
It was five days into December
When things took a turn.
I wont lie, I did resist.
Did it work? Hardly a week,
May be two?
Someone just walked into my Winter
Slow at first, like the summer rains,
Its probably a dream till date,
One I never wish to wake up from.
It changed about everything that I thought I knew
About me, about pain, about life.
I saw sunshine and rainbows, would have named
Unicorns too, if I wasn't in my mid twenties.
It burned away reality, redefined it,
Made me stare at sunsets,
Crave for chocolate ice cream?
Days when a yellow leaf amazed me for hours.
I remember every single exchange
For a month every song I heard was about those eyes,
Hoping that what's meant to be, will be.
Realising I didn't need ages to replace what I gave away.
It's a long wait, and its okay.
Seeing our untold story unfold in my head every night,
Waking up with the taste of your lips on mine,
The sight of you breathing bringing me back to life,
The usual rush of thoughts before reality creeps back,
Only to remind me of solitude again.
Every morsel of this desire is sweet.
I would walk a million miles only to
Watch our worlds collide,
To hear you say my name
And let my fears fly high.
What if I would never get to hold you,
If not now, and never again?
That I wont settle for anything less,
Will this haunting ever end?
Shattering every piece of hope i carried.
But it is warm, full of life,
Filling every void I was left with.
While fear lurks its way back into me,
Taking over every nook and corner,
I am fighting a million battles every minute
Only to taste your fearless love
Even if it lasts for a mere moment.
The world around me keeps changing,
Like change alone keeps working hard.
No matter how long the wait is,
Or how strong the longing,
I am never forgiven,
Nor treated with kindness.
The bleeding never seems to end, trust me
I've been through the darkest alleys
To come across you
And this better be right.
"The wind never lies" they said
"May be, Not to my cold heart."
It might take a million sunsets for you
To look into my soul,
It would never make a difference.
You may not mend the leaks,
Or heal the scars, or
See right through my heart,
All I want is for you to see
How my insides glow
Every time I think of you.
I feel it getting serious,
Every time your voice blesses my ears,
Stirring depths never explored before.
Like cold winds and the smell of rain,
Endless nights on empty balconies.
How many days did we waste?
How many crowds did my eyes search?
How many valleys did I stare into?
To find your Soul, Oh the pain was sweet too.
Pushed to hold on, betrayal is always cruel.
Forced to leave the door open, Oh wasn't it
The best thing I ever did to myself?
Staying up every night
Fire in my chest blurring my vision
"Where am I headed?"
"Clueless" she warned.
"I would wait a lifetime" I whispered.
Too good to even exist, my mind turns to stone
And my heart takes lead. I bet it knows nothing
About the things that really matter.
But I do know words,
To put them on a string,
To paint my world on paper.
Where sunflowers and stars exist together.
A million years may go by,
I would still stare at you, those eyebrows
And the scar in between.
May be dream of it later.
And grow fond of it.
Let you flow through my veins,
Where wild flowers grow,
Unseen and uncontrolled.
"Nothing is an accident" never did I
Believe in that, and you came by.
Right in front of my eyes..
This 'whatever you would like to call it' between us
US making me turn red.
Two souls don't circle each other either,
By accident. I know..
Its dreamy, its complicated.
But I am going to let it stay
Probably grow old in its memory.
Let it bloom in places its not allowed to.
Every time I hear your voice
I want it forever.. May be
I don't even deserve this pleasure
But there's nothing better I would ask for
Don't know how I made it through..
Cant believe there were days when
You hardly existed to my shattered heart.
It seems impossible, that I might get
To have you all for myself,
But this very moment, all feels right.
I am going to take you all in
As long as you wish to stay
Breathe you all in
With all my selfishness..
"Why are you so far away?"
"Do you like the stars?" he asked.
"You know I do" she sighed.
"Do you ever get to feel them? If only
Life gave you everything that you wished for..
You'd probably have nothing to long for,
To fall in love with..
Let this last the way it is,
Let the distance enhance them desires.
Till my fingers find out that they
Fit in the best,
Only in your's."
She felt that stir from within,
Something both terrifying and beautiful
At the same time..
Another sleepless night, she smiled.
These are my words, from depths
I had no idea existed before.
Today they suddenly feel important
Weigh more than ever before,
Not wanting to remain unsaid anymore.
They might mean absolutely everything
Or probably just another line of random thoughts.
But I know..
I will never be holding this pen
The same way again..